Ciggy Ciggy!

after 3 days of rest-

this is a rant.

i always thought my current job is my dream job. or so i thought. music can be my life, i could've wanted to do this all my life. making songs. but being in a corporate environment stops the passion. i've said to myself if i only have money i wouldn't be under the pressure of a daily routine, haggling time to what i really want to do. this is silly. complaining. when we should, at all times, avoid it. and the process of defending and taking each blow of everydayness is what matters. i've had too many black eyes, pregnant skins and all the boxer's demise. and now i want to surrender.

but its not the way its supposed to be. giving up on this.

right now im contemplating to resign. im not happy with the environment anymore. i've been over and over thinking... maybe it's just me. feeling so wrong on a very right job for me. i am getting sick and tired. i am getting emotional on this. when everyday im faced with the fact that your job shouldn't affect your personal life. well then blame me because when it gets to my job i take it very passionately personal. its me versus the work. for we are weighed by what we do. how heavy we are in our craft. but the tiring routine, and other what-nots is gnawing my heart to pieces. but then again maybe it's just me. maybe i have to just work and work and close my door to the what-should-not-be's when i start facing this tube.

this shouldn't be a hellhole.

it has a carved a hole to my being. and everyday the light that passes through it burns a wider scope and gives me a peek to a whole new world. it is still a blur though. wonder what would that be. but im pretty much excited of it. the only thing that keeps me going everyday is louiebelle. but that's a happy story. :)

and this, this is a rant.

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